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Last night, I dreamt that I was a story teller and failing to decide on, and for that matter, correctly remember an existing story, I decided to make one up. This is the story I dreamt…<\/p>\nLast night, I dreamt that I was a story teller and failing to decide on, and for that matter, correctly remember an existing story, I decided to make one up. This is the story I dreamt…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
We all have things we desire, often toys of some description. Whether the cars are small enough to race around our living room or the roads. Whether the house we long for is for our dolls or a castle in the mountains fit for a princess, or simply something better than we have. Whether the planes are radio controlled or private jets. Yes, there are all sorts of toys that tempt us. Or, perhaps what we crave is something less materialistic: a dream job, a person or a pet to love, or some other undefined form of fulfilment or source of happiness. Yes, we all long for something that is perceived as being beyond our immediate reach. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At this time, my particular object of desire happened to be a rocking chair. No, don\u2019t laugh! It was a remarkably beautiful chair, large with intricately carved dark wood, rather old and most definitely beyond my means, as it languished in the window of an antique shop. The padded leather seat even had a curled up tortoiseshell cat on it. I had assumed it was one of those realistic stuffed or toy ones as it was always there in the same position, until it startled me one day by opening an eye and examining me disdainfully before going back to sleep. I could see myself curled up with a book on that capacious seat so easily that I began to regard it as my chair. Indeed, I became quite agitated if I noticed anyone else looking at it too intently, in case they should take it into their head to buy it. Fortunately, nobody seemed to take quite as much interest in it as I did.<\/p>\n
My routine took me past the shop daily and I felt rather like a child gazing longingly into a toy shop window, although I stopped short of pressing my nose against it. Well, I say that, but I did effect a nasal collision with the glass whilst peering intently at the carvings on one occasion\u2026Ah yes, those carvings\u2026There always seemed to be something new to see, almost as though they were constantly changing. With hindsight, I suppose I should have known there was something not quite ordinary about that chair. <\/p>\n
Anyway, my daily routine of passing and yearning went on for some little while, until I fortuitously found myself the beneficiary of the estate of a relative I hadn\u2019t even known. It was one of those cases where the person, who happened to have some convolutedly distant relationship to my family, had died intestate and the lawyers had done the decent thing and tracked down the closest kin, which just happened to be me. Now before you get too excited, it wasn\u2019t a huge life-changing sort of legacy. Nothing in the order of mansions or private jets, but I did acquire a larger house, parts of which dated back to at least the 16th century and some cash, once the lawyers had filled their boots. It was enough to pay off some bills, make life a little more comfortable and buy myself a few treats and luxuries. Naturally, the larger house, although already furnished, could accommodate some additional furniture and my first purchase once I had moved in was the rocking chair, which suited the oak panelled library perfectly. (Oh yes, the house had a library and a great many books). <\/p>\n
I found myself spending a good deal of time in the library, rocking gently and exploring the books in preference to watching endless repeats or rubbish on television to pass the time. In fact, the chair needed little encouragement to rock and seemed to maintain momentum almost without effort on my part. On one such occasion, I was flicking through a book and tracing the little acorn and oak leaf carvings on the arm of the chair and said, \u201cI could really do with a cup of tea\u201d. I have no idea why I spoke out loud since there was nobody else in the room. Well, I nearly jumped out of my skin when a strange little chap, looking for all the world like an elf, appeared at my elbow with exactly that. I won\u2019t repeat exactly what I said in my alarm, but it wasn\u2019t, \u201cThank you very much that\u2019s just the ticket\u201d. Strange men, (for varying definitions of strange and men), arriving with cups of tea are not exactly unheard of, but they usually sashay across a cafe floor or come in through the door, rather than simply materialising out of thin air. Needless to say, I did not accept the proffered cup of steaming liquid – I\u2019ve read the stories and I know where that sort of thing can lead – instead, I demanded to know who the creature was and what it was doing in my library. <\/p>\n
\u201cYou wished for tea and I came to grant your wish\u201d, the creature, let\u2019s call him an elf, said in an ingratiating tone, holding the cup out. <\/p>\n
\u201cLook, who are you?\u201d I asked. <\/p>\n
\u201cI bring tea you wished for\u201d, he replied stubbonly. <\/p>\n
\u201cI did not wish for strange\u2026er\u2026creatures to materialise in my library waving cups of tea at me\u201d, I said, adding \u201cBesides, what sort of tea is that? I bet you don\u2019t even know what variety of tea I like, let alone how I take it. I mean, does it have sugar?\u201d <\/p>\n
He shrugged. \u201cIs tea\u201d, he replied, as if that was in any way an adequate answer and thrust the cup of dark brown liquid towards me insistently. <\/p>\n
At this point a real person did arrive with a cup of real tea (Earl Grey, milk, no sugar, if you must know) and I woke up, so we continue the story from here on in what passes for the real world).<\/i><\/p>\n
\u201cI most certainly did not wish for that!\u201d, I exclaimed recoiling, which caused the chair to rock back and then, inevitably, forward again, whereupon the elf leapt back and the cup flew from his grasp on the floor. <\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you did, or I wouldn\u2019t have come\u201d, he pouted, regarding the broken cup balefully. <\/p>\n
\u201cI did not\u201d, I repeated, beginning to get a measure of the situation and pointing at the shards of china and expanding puddle of tea on the floor, I added carefully, \u201cAnd you can clean that up too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf that\u2019s what you wish\u201d, he said with a sly expression. <\/p>\n
Well, I wasn\u2019t falling for that. <\/p>\n
\u201cI did not ask you to appear out of nowhere and throw tea around, so you can clean up that mess and disappear back to where you came from\u201d, I replied.<\/p>\n
Sighing heavily, his narrow shoulders drooped and muttering something about this coming out of his wages, he waved a complicated sigil in the air with his hands and the mess disappeared.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell done,\u201d I conceded, fairly impressed but trying not to let on. \u201cNow, you still haven\u2019t told me who you are and what possessed you to pop up out of nowhere.\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed again. <\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019m waiting\u2026\u201d, I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wish for me to tell you about myself?\u201d, he asked hopefully, perking up a little.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u201d, I replied firmly. \u201cLet\u2019s get one thing straight. There is categorically and unequivocally to be no wishing whatsoever involved in this discussion. I am simply asking you a question. In the extremely unlikely event that I should desire to make a wish, I will quite unambiguously state in advance that this is what I am doing. Do I make myself clear?\u201d <\/p>\n
He nodded glumly. \u201cAnd while we are at it\u201d, I added, \u201cyou can explain your thinly veiled attempts to extract a wish from me, so we all know where we stand, OK?\u201d <\/p>\n
He sighed even more hugely and nodded his assent.<\/p>\n
\u201cPardon?\u201d, I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYuss\u201d, he mumbled, shuffling his feet.<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, so spill. What\u2019s all this about?\u201d, I asked again.<\/p>\n
\u201cWood sprite\u201d, he muttered, and added, \u201cTrapped\u201d waving a finger at the chair miserably.<\/p>\n
I waited for him to elaborate. <\/p>\n
\u201cThought to trick you into letting me go for a wish\u201d, he mumbled with dismay, \u201cbut you\u2019re too powerful witch.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed, making him start.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t trap you and I\u2019m not keeping you,\u201d I said. I didn\u2019t deny being a witch, just in case he tried to pull something. <\/p>\n
His eyes narrowed in suspicion and disbelief. \u201cYou let me go?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cSure\u201d, I replied and found myself on the floor as he and the chair vanished.<\/p>\n
\u201cOi!\u201d I cried, \u201cCome back here!\u201d <\/p>\n
He reappeared immediately, looking unhappy. The chair was back too, but I remained on the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you playing at?\u201d I asked irritably and got to my feet. \u201cI said you could push off, but I didn\u2019t say you could take my chair with you.\u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cHome\u201d, he said plaintively. <\/p>\n
\u201cYes, go home, but leave my chair here\u201d, I said, resuming my seat.<\/p>\n
\u201cHome\u201d, he repeated, pointing at the chair. <\/p>\n
\u201cOhhhh, I see\u201d, I said as the penny dropped. \u201cYou live in the wood of the chair.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes\u201d, he said. <\/p>\n
\u201cSo that means that because I own the chair, I\u2026umm\u2026 own you?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s with the wish trick thing then?\u201d I added.<\/p>\n
\u201cWish is payment\u201d, he said simply.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo if I accept a wish, you are no longer bound to me, but then I lose the chair too?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded and repeated, \u201cHome. Nowhere else to go. Tree gone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHmmm, we seem to have a bit of a problem here\u201d, I said. \u201cI need some tea to think this over\u2026\u201d, quickly adding, \u201cnot the wished for kind. I\u2019ll go and make some. Wait here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you like some?\u201d I asked him as I reached the door. He grimaced and shook his head. <\/p>\n
I returned with the tea a few minutes later and he was still standing where I\u2019d left him, the chair rocking gently by his side. I sat on a different chair by a small table and regarded them thoughtfully. <\/p>\n
\u201cSo let\u2019s get this straight. Your home is the chair?\u201d, I asked.<\/p>\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you are happy there?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded again.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you mind me sitting on the chair?\u201d<\/p>\n
He thought for a moment and then shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cOr the chair being here in this room?\u201d<\/p>\n
After the briefest pause, he shook his head again.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo the problem is me owning the chair, your home, and therefore you, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nod.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I need to make a wish, the granting of which buys back the chair, and therefore, you, back from me?\u201d<\/p>\n
He nodded vigorously. <\/p>\n
\u201cYou wish now?\u201d, he asked eagerly.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I don\u2019t want to let the chair go\u201d, I replied and he looked crestfallen.<\/p>\n
\u201cOK, I can see we have a problem to solve.\u201d I sipped my tea while I thought about it. He said nothing and just watched me until I\u2019d finished and put down my cup.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think I may have a solution\u201d, I said. He cocked his head attentively.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s just say, speaking entirely theoretically and with no actual wishing involved, that I were to, entirely hypothetically, you understand, make a wish such that I released you and your home, but in return you remained here together with your home voluntarily until, say, we both agreed to part company. What would you say?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me suspiciously and thought about it for a good, long while, then said, \u201cSame as now!\u201d flatly.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, not entirely. The arrangement would be a voluntary within certain parameters like, say, a job.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cA job?\u201d he asked, looking confused.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, a job. Working in return for payment. In this case, the payment, made by me, would be to look after your home and for your part\u2026well\u2026I\u2019m sure we could come up with something mutually acceptable. Are you actually any good at making tea?\u201d<\/p>\n
He shrugged. \u201cCan make whatever you like.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, to cut a longish story short, this is how I have ended up with a rather excellent, if slightly peculiar-looking butler. Oh, I don\u2019t take advantage of him really. Once he\u2019d settled in to the arrangement, he quite enjoyed having something to do after centuries of just lurking in a chair. I made it clear he was entitled to 5 weeks holiday a year, and since he grasped the concept, he takes himself (and the chair) off from time to time. My own demands are mostly in the realms of cups and pots of tea, at which he has become rather adept, and a little light housekeeping, all of which he accomplishes with a few waves of his hands, while I devote myself to reading and rocking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last night, I dreamt that I was a story teller and failing to decide on, and for that matter, correctly remember an existing story, I decided to make one up. This is the story I dreamt… We all have things we desire, often toys of some description. Whether the cars are small enough to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5039","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"yoast_head":"\n