Once An Orange

It’s no good. I’ve searched and pored over the small print on the tin, but nowhere can I find a disclaimer regarding the colour of this Ronseal Fence Life that they have entertainingly labelled “Medium Oak”. I have taken the colour swatch from their website for your amusement –>

Yes, I have read the tin most carefully (after all “it does what it says on the tin” they claim), but I just can’t see any of the following statements that I might reasonably expect:

• may resemble the stated colour when viewed at twilight while wearing dark glasses
• accurate colour if wood is made of terracotta
• medium oak after children have decorated it with orange wax crayons
• for your own protection wear dark glasses when looking at this product
• just kidding, it’s orange really
• what do you mean “Hi-Vis jackets aren’t made of oak”?

So, look again at the swatch above and compare it to what it actually looks like:

I should point out that this is the colour AFTER I added some leftover dark brown that I had in order to take the edge off. Yes, it is very orange, isn’t it, and no, another coat won’t help. It quite clearly says “One Coat” on the tin and their strap line is “it does what it says on the tin”, though apparently not where the colour is concerned. In fact, this doing of what it says on the tin claim does alarm me somewhat, since they also state that it is “Fade-resistant”. Oh dear 🙁

I can only assume that the people who work at Ronseal are either completely colour-blind, or desperate to find the nearest approximation to something vaguely organic in terms of colour, so while I was trying not to go blind from the orangeness of it all, I mused on what their other shades might actually resemble. I did see the supposed swatches painted on wood at the shop and their Harvest Gold had a distinctly Day-Glo yellow quality that made Medium Oak look quite tame, but I’m guessing their marketing department didn’t think “Fluorescent Yellow Marker Pen” had quite the same appeal. I couldn’t even imagine what colour “Red Cedar” (which is usually fairly orange) might be, though I speculated that “Forest Green” wouldn’t sound quite right as “Bottle” or “BRG” (British Racing Green), since neither bottles nor cars are made of wood. As for “Mountain Blue”, which I suspect is probably closer to French Navy, well, I don’t think they’re made of wood either, but I could be mistaken.

Anyway, the main purpose was to increase the durability of my raised veg beds and so once they have been put together, I intend to repaint the visible bits in a nice subdued dark brown (actual) wood colour.